September 2nd, 2010
I just read this article about New York’s recent passage of a “no-fault” divorce law. (click here to read) “No-fault” divorce means that the party seeking divorce does not have to prove wrongdoing on the part of the other spouse to get a divorce. (New York had required proof of adultery, cruelty, imprisonment or abandonment). New York now joins every other state in the union in having a “no-fault” system of divorce.
This got me thinking:
Marriages end for many reasons, all of them painful. It’s particularly heart-wrenching when one spouse has been willfully blind to the effects of his or her behavior on the family. What’s worse, sometimes spouses aren’t just indifferent, they are downright cruel.
Many victimized spouses come to me angry. I explain to them that their anger is justified and could even be healthy if dealt with properly. Then comes the “bad news,” I explain to them that Oregon (like all 50 states) has a “no fault” divorce system. So while my client has more than enough righteous anger, I have to explain that a divorce is not about proving who is at fault in the marriage, it’s about dissolving a partnership and moving on.
I usually end this discussion with a bit of practical advice. Going through a divorce can be expensive. Going through a divorce motivated by anger will absolutely be expensive. I treat all my clients fairly when it comes to fees and expenses; but I am unable to skimp or compromise on the quality of legal representation. So my advice is for them to take their healthy anger (and the money they will save on fees and expenses) and use it to build a better life.
One final note, this “no fault” system only applies to getting a divorce and dividing up property. If children are involved, the courts determine what is in their best interests. So while being cruel may not stop your ex-spouse from being awarded the toaster in the divorce, it will most certainly come into play when the court considers custody.
I hope everyone has had a wonderful summer. I can’t believe it’s almost over.
August 18th, 2010
I have a new web site highlighting my considerable experience as a criminal defense attorney. I find that my experience as a defender complements the services I provide to my family law clients. Criminal cases focus me on issues of drug and alcohol addiction, mental illness and personality disorders– issues which are often important in a family law case. Check it out here and tell me what you think.
I have a new toll free number as well. If you’re out of the area, you can call me at 866-712-1486.
July 1st, 2010
A divorce is always painful. Many of my clients have children and they are all rightly concerned about the impact that the divorce will have on the kids. Some clients agonize about whether they should stay in an unhappy marriage “for the children.”
Whether or not a marriage should be ended is a deeply personal decision and one which can only be made after great personal reflection. I have seen loving parents agonize about whether their decision to divorce is the right one. I am a lawyer, not a therapist, counselor, or pastor. I can’t tell anyone whether a divorce is “right” for them. What I can do is help steer people through what is often a bewildering process and help them make legal decisions which are in their and their children’s best interests.
I recently read an article which stated something that I have known for quite some time… “Children who grow up in high conflict families fare better in their adult relationships if their parents get a divorce.” Click here to read.
As I said, I cannot tell you if a divorce is “right” but I have found that with the right approach and guidance people can get through these difficult times with their dignity and values in tact.
May 3rd, 2010
Great White Shark Photo
My husband and I got back from our once-in-a-lifetime vacation on Sunday. The picture to the left is an actual photo taken of a Great White Shark during our trip. You can see the bar of the cage running along the right side of the picture. My hands are about 6 inches away from that bar.
I am back in the office as of now, and busy working on all my clients’ cases. But the time away from the office reminded me of the importance of self-care during difficult times. The time your case is winding its way through the system will likely be some of the most challenging times you will face. A trip to Africa is probably not in the cards now, but you ought to remember that it is important to take a few moments each day to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. This is especially important for those of you with children.
I have a small lending library available to my clients if you would like to read up on this or any other topic.
March 5th, 2010
I am getting very excited for my upcoming trip to South Africa. On the agenda is:
1. SCUBA diving with Great White Sharks;
2. Robben Island tour (the prison where Nelson Mandela was held for nearly 30 years);
3. Hiking in the Drakensburg Mountains; and
4. 3-day safari on foot with lions, rhinos and hippos.
I will try and post updates on the trip while I’m there.
December 25th, 2009
I hope all my clients, regardless of how difficult their situation is right now, have a Merry Christmas and look forward to the New Year!
From a legal perspective, though, things do tend to heat up around the new year. So get ready to make some progress on your matters.
I am here to help. (After my husband and I get back from our midnight snowshoe on Saturday).
My favorite winter pasttime.
November 16th, 2009
This is an excellent article I found in Saturday’s New York Times. It discusses some of the most important financial decisions that a person will have to make during a divorce.
Emotions can overwhelm financial common sense during a divorce. Over the next few weeks I will be discussing some of the author’s recommendations and adding some of my own thoughts.
October 20th, 2009
Here’s a reminder of the importance of taking care of yourself during a divorce.